My Coach, My Friend, My Older Brother

I used nicknames instead of real names for respect and privacy.
".....Gunny's Dead."
I don't believe it. It's not real. It can't be real. Hollywood's got to me making a terrible sarcastic joke. I saw Gunny this Saturday. He was perfectly fine. Gunny can't be dead. He was only 18. He wasn't done with his life. He can't be dead. He was suppose to get better.
My brain works only in short, simple sentances. "You're joking, right?" Everyone's facial expression says it all. My blood drains out of my face. I feel weak. I need to sit down or I'm going to collapse, but I'm already caught in a huge group hug. "Why is everybody hugging me?" Georgia looks at me and says " You looked like you needed it the most" I just nod and choke out " I need to sit down." I walk 5 feet to the destination that seems so far away. I sit down and hide my face. He's gone. Passed away.  Tears run down my face, I try to stop them for a few seconds, but there are too many to fight. My will to fight is gone. From what was a few tears dripping from my checks turns into a waterfall. Cries and sobs that I don't even know start coming.
 Georgia comes sit by me and pats me on the back. Lunch seems too quick, and I have to call my mom to be excused from chemistry. "I can't take it." I whimper, but it was pointless to explain, because everyone knows exactly why I'm excusing myself. I call my mom and I choke out " Mom.....can you excuse me from fourth period?" It takes awhile, but I manage to tell my mom that Gunny passed away, and nothing but sobs and cries of anguish follow.
It seems too much like a dream. Gunny couldn't of left us this easily. No goodbyes, nothing.  He was perfectly fine Saturday, and then went into a seizure monday. We were praying and fasting for him today. He was suppose to get better, and life would go on. He wasn't suppose to die like this, he was going to become an electrician, he was suppose to meet the girl of his dreams and marry her in the temple. But now, everything was going to be different.
"It's okay, Eva, he's in a better place now." Georgia comforts me through her own tears.  That's when it hit me- All his plans were changed, all of our plans were changed. Only the Lord's plans were still the same. My savior has a bigger picture in mind, and Gunny is part of it. This is where Gunny left to be called on a mission for the those who had passed away without the knowledge of the church. And  Gunny was one of those men needed to be called to leave his family and friends for a short time, then who was I to stand in the way?

Even though I knew this, tears just ran down my face. I still missed him more than anything, and the second coming seemed so far away. Memories of  Gunny were shared with my other fellow guard members, Gunny teaching rifle line, his ridiculous comments. And with my team, we got through the impossible hour. We spent the rest of the day at the temple, feeling the comfort we needed, reassuring us that the Lord had sent Gunny to a better place, and that because he had suffered for our sins and rose from the dead, that Gunny was going to live again.
That night was the most difficult night of my life. I dragged myself to my bed and cried even more. I was now alone, and afraid of what my dreams were going to bring me. Suddenly humbled, I remembered that I hadn't read my scriptures or knelt down in prayer yet. After managing to read through my fuzzy vision, I knelt down in prayer, and prayed for all of my friends going through this impossible night as well. I prayed for Gunny's family. I thanked the Lord for the memories of Gunny that I had and allowing me to have him in my life. I thanked him for letting me get so close to him in the few months I knew him.  When I went to bed, I felt comfort and peace.
I'm not going to lie, the following week was difficult. My 16th birthday passed, but it hardly meant anything, other than meeting down with my friends. When people asked me how it felt to be 16, I wanted to punch them in the face and tell them that if this is how it felt to be sixteen, it would be a sucky year. But I just mumbled " Feels the same as yesterday." I didn't know how many of my friends knew and how many didn't. The only thing that kept me from going insane was the fact I knew that I would meet Gunny again, and that the Savior knew what I was going through.
Practice kept going, but it wasn't the same. The whole guard kept expecting him to come through the door. Coach announced that Gunny's funeral was going to be very non-traditional. Instead of having a funeral, it was going to be a celebration of his life. But coach wasn't finished, we were also going to perform our show, Citizen Solider at his funeral. Instead of having a cot that Hollywood was going to sit on, there were going to be empty boots and a rifle. This was going to the impossible. But Coach asked us to do it for his family, and if Coach asked us to do anything, we knew it was possible. "Let's do it for Gunny" Hollywood says through tears.

                                                        We did. For Gunny.

Mind Over Media

:P So I promised I would post as soon as I can. I haven't been able to write much, so I'm just doing the English assignment that sorta finished last week. Some things need editing, but I've already turned it in and I'm too lazy to do anything. ^w^'I 'm still holding up to my promise that I am going to post as soon as I'm ready, this is the closest I could get to posting. Thank you so much for your support and patience

:D We were told to do an assignment on an argumentive essay, and I chose this topic because there are so many girls out there who have a low self-esteem and think that they're stupid, ugly, and can't do anything right. The sad thing is, that's not true. They are amazing. They are smart. They are beautiful. They live life at the fullest. They are a Daughter of God. They are my crutch when I need somebody to lean on. No model in a newspaper can ever compare to half of the women my friends are. And while I know that things are beyond most likely of never changing, I can only pray I can convince some people out there that they don't have the fake body of a model, they have an amazing personality for who they are - a real person in the real world. Nothing can beat that definition of beauty.

                                              Today, Media influences everything we do, from what we wear to how we see each other. Overbearing amounts of Media is poured into our heads every day, and over half of that media is cluttered with skimpy outfits, demeaning phrases, and sexually suggestive pictures all sublimely announcing the same idea – People are objects and they have to scoop low to be looked up to.  From driving down the highway to just listening to the radio, we’re being influenced by the media’s ideal “Perfect Body”. It’s wrong when Teenagers have the dream to become a live Barbie, but for some reason when media promotes that we don't see anything wrong about that. Because of the commercial clutter that’s been created, we can’t look at ourselves or others without feeling the need to be skinnier and to be sexier.

                        In any source of media that can be used, there is twisted messages to distort the way we think of what is average beauty.  In one of the Discovery Channels’ episode “The Sex Files” They report a study in the Fijian culture. Before TVs were introduced to them, the eating disorders were only at 3%. After three years, eating disorders elevated up to 15%. After further study, 74% of the Fijian Girls felt overweight, and 62% of them resolved to diet just to feel thin. In the US, it’s common or even considered “normal” to have feelings of low self-esteem about themselves. But is feeling obese when you’re perfectly healthy really normal? Dove informed the public only 11% of women consider the term beautiful to describe who they are. That leaves 89% too many of girls thinking otherwise. It isn’t difficult for a woman to look at a commercial of partially dressed women with a perfect body, and then to their own. It’s even simpler for them to assume that they will never be attractive until they look like a model. As soon media convinces women to be in that vulnerable state of mind, they strike harder. Announcements of the newest dieting plan, liposuction, and cosmetic surgery are pierced into our heads with advertisements that are spotted with just a turn of the head.  So when Studies from Harvard show that 86% of women believe that they should be on a diet or are already on one, it isn’t shocking. But what is shocking is that thirty-five percent of “normal” diets progress into an eating disorder. Twenty percent of those with eating disorders will die.

            Not only is the public convinced that we need to become what media tells us to become, but media’s ransom the impossible. In the Article, More than Just Dolls- if Barbie was real, she would have to walk on all fours because her feet couldn’t support the weight of her upper body. The Ideal lady would be 5’ 9’’ and her neck would be  twice as long as the normal neck.  Every girl would have to weigh 110 pounds – 76% of a healthy weight. Even with surgery, the sexy woman in the magazine is still unobtainable. In fact- only 8 women in 3 billion would be close to matching the model’s demands. It’s impossible to be flawless, but media still makes it look common.

While the laws of freedom of speech protect businesses that glamorize skeletal figures, women are starving themselves, and then, literally become skeletons. The unethical should not be legal. We could save millions of lives if the freedom of speech laws were stricter about what they allow to be shown to the public. It sounds impossible, but it’s a shot that should be taken, a shot that France is working to. The bill they are trying to pass threatens 37,500 euros if charged from not disclosing if they photoshopped their models.  We have already created laws against showing violent photos to the public, so why can’t they filter through photo-shopped and half-naked models?

The women on the newspaper should show women who haven’t been altered in anyway, a healthy BMI, and reasonable amount of clothing.  If we were to change the way that media showed women, we could change the world. People would have better respect for themselves and others. Several girls would reconsider going anorexic. Girls won’t be comparing themselves to models that are impossible to reach. But until we do something about it, Media is going to be deforming our perspective of what beauty is.

An Apology

My friend passed away last week, and It's been really hard for me to post anything. I hope you don't mind,
I'll try to get some posts in later when I'm mentally stable. Thank you so much for your tolerance